Life with a terminally ill son

I am a single mother of a terminally ill son who has a rare autoimmune and vascular disease called Wegeners Granulmomatosis and he is also in End Stage Renal/Kidney Failure. Justin is now 18 years old and his life expectancy left is unknown. His life consist of dialysis 3 times a week for the rest of his life or and if he can ever get a kidney (which is not an option right now). Both of these medical conditions are "silent killers" and a patients condition could change day to day. As a mother, it is the worst pain you could ever imagine knowing you could lose your child at any time..There is so much Justin has never experienced in life, like a concert, favorite sporting event or even a family vacation. As a single mother I was unable to provide the "extras" in life and now it crushes me that I wasnt able to and still not able to. Im in search of some hereos who can help me make a few wishes of his come true and bring some happiness in his life right now... God knows he needs it.I have felt helpless in my mission and I almost wanted to give up, but I know there is someone out there who will offer their help. I can assure you that your kindness will NEVER be forgotten and I will ALWAYS be grateful.... Thanks so much for taking the time to visit my page and reading about my son... God Bless..If you are interested or can offer help leave me a message and I can answer any questions you may have

A Mothers Uncoditional Love

Justin goes through many different emotional feelings at this point in his life, there is a lot of pain, hurt, fear and anger... Who can blame him? He has every right to own everyone of those feelings being a young man of 18 years old who should just be starting his life, instead he goes to bed at night wondering if he will wake up the next morning.. I know its got to be hell for him to deal with that heavy load, I know it is for me as a parent. I can only imagine what he goes through on a daily basis.Yesterday he blew up at me with anger of what his life holds in store for him and how he dont understand why he has been dealt this hard hand in life... Of course I broke down and it upset him even more.. He went and locked hisself in his room and I felt horrible for him.. Later on when he came out he apologized and said he dont know why he looses it like that and takes it out on me.. Then he said "Mom, I cant believe you arent furious with me and act like that blowup I had never happened". I told him "Son, I love you unconditionally"... There is nothing you can ever do that can make me love you any less... My love comes with no boundries and no conditions.. He grabbed me and hugged me and said "Thank you Mom, for loving me that much"...It took my breath away....He said anyone else wouldnt tolerate that from him sick or not sick, but a mother will..

One of those days.....

I sit here now watching my son rest after a long day of being very sick. Everyday he is nauseated and every other day is spent with nausea and vomitting.. He has no appetite and cant eat several days out of the week, all of this is due to the worsening of his renal function. Over the last 7 months ive watched my son lose 60 pounds and the weight is hard to keep on him. Those facts alone are hard for me to watch my son go through.. But he suffers in so many ways physically,mentally and emotionally.. As his mom, I feel so helpless most of the time... It is the worse feeling in the world knowing there is nothing you can do to help take away any of the pain,anger and sorrow he goes through on a daily basis, but you do try..There are days that are better than others and you cherish those days. Then there are days that are way worse, that you fear this could be "the day"...